I Could

You'd think that after three kids I'd be something of an expert at being a mom. That is simply not the case! Everything is new: every age, every child, every experience.

When I started with training day I thought, "It will be rough, but I've done this before. We'll be done in a few days, and I will WIN this stubborn battle." Huh. Pretty cocky, wasn't I? After six miserable days of doing everything I could possible do to get my little man to care about being potty training, I decided to back off. I can fume, cry, pray, beg and yell, but when it comes down to it, I can't make him do it. No amount of skill from supposed "experts" is going to make him WANT to do it. So as hard as it is for me to swallow my pride and decide to wait for him to be ready, I had to do it.

I've decided these experiences are good for me! Looking back, I've realized my other two kids were easy to potty train. Three awful days, and we were done. I have to confess that I've looked at other parents who went back to pull-ups and thought, "Come on! You're the parent--don't give up this battle!" How ignorant and judgmental of me. I had no idea what was going through those kids minds, or the parents. I'm certainly no expert at parenting my own children, let alone someone else's.

Last night, as I was deliberating "giving up" on the whole idea for now, I was praying and remembered an experience I had when #1 was a tiny baby. He was absolutely refusing to nurse. I hired a lactation consultant, saw my pediatrician, and did everything I possibly could to get him to latch on and eat. I was SO frustrated with this tiny baby who wouldn't eat--if only I could explain to him how much better breast milk was than formula, surely he would try. In a moment of complete desperation I prayed, "Couldn't you just MAKE him nurse?" The answer that came immediately was strong and simple: "I could." Of course He could, but He wouldn't take even a baby's choice away. Even as such a tiny baby, my little guy had to make his own choices. And now my little man has to make his own choices--I can't MAKE him do anything. And I just need to remember that's how it should be.

So training week is over. I'm hoping the next one is more of a transition week since we'll be waiting for him to decide it's time.

Training Day

It occurred to me a few months ago that my baby is no longer a baby. I started looking around at other two-year-olds and realized that I still treated my little guy like a baby. It's so easy to do--especially with such a nice little guy. I pick him up and carry him places, I get him dressed, and I rarely ask him to do anything. He's been such a delight, and I've loved holding him and cuddling him. I've been in no hurry for him to grow up! Now that's he's close to three, though, I know he needs to be able to do a few things on his own.

A few months ago we took him out of his crib and got him into a toddler bed. With my first that was an awful time--locking doors, lots of frustration and fighting. With my baby, though, he got out of bed twice that first night, and after I put him back to bed and explained that he had to stay in his bed, he stayed. And I'm pretty sure he's only gotten out of his bed a handful of times since then. He's such a sweetie.

I've also been asking him to do things. Small things. Little things that I should have had him do a year ago! Like walking out to the car on his own, sitting down so I can put on his shoes, getting in his chair for lunch. He's come a long way--thought it certainly isn't in his nature to hurry. Ha!

This weekend was the big one--potty training! I knew it was going to be awful. Any time we've mentioned going potty he's told me in no uncertain terms that he did NOT want to do it. Since it was Conference weekend, and that's when we trained our other two, we decided to take the plunge. Aaaaaaiiiii! I've had a few friends tell me over the weekend that their most hated moments of parenting have been potty training. Now I haven't had teenagers yet, but I can't imagine it being worse than this. And it has been terrible.

For such a sweet little kid, he is incredibly stubborn. I had no idea how stubborn! He'll start to pee in his underwear and I'll rush him to the potty. We sat there reading books and singing songs for an hour and he'll squeeze it in for all he's worth. Then two minutes after finally getting OFF the potty he pees all over my couch. Arrggghhh. Unlike my other two kids, he actually did pee in the potty the first day--three times. And then several times the second day. And lots of times on day three--including #2. That said, though, he has had SO many failures.

Someone told me today that she let her boys run naked, so we decided to try it. That was the worst moment of the day! We moved the couches and spread blankets all over the floor. He started running like wild in all the open space, and it was after a few minutes we realized he was running and spraying everywhere he went! When he wears underwear at least he realizes he's wet because it runs down his leg. When he's running wild and naked he sprays everything put himself! :) I had to mop almost the entire floor and start a load of laundry with blankets. While we were cleaning that mess up he peed again (this time he was at least wearing underwear) and left another trail all over the tile. The good news is that he actually ran to the potty. That's progress, right?

I'm so frustrated I'm somewhere between laughing and crying. I've been laughing at him, because if I start crying I feel like I may just go stark raving mad. It's my third kid--I should practically be an expert that this, right? Obviously not. My kids are so different I feel like I'm starting from scratch with every one in every experience.

Earlier in the week I jokingly asked a friend if she hired out for potty training. For a brief moment I thought how wonderful it would be to send your toddler out to "potty-training school" and have him come home to a clean house and ready for underwear and toilets. Only for a moment, though. Because I know that my Heavenly Father sent him to ME--and I take great comfort in knowing that He thought I was the best one for this job.

So--we'll keep cheering him on and eating lots of M&M's (Yes, the M&M's are mostly for me) and we'll learn together.